the battle

28 August 2016

heart pounding
the walls were closing in
dark and gray
where had the light gone?
she looked down at her hands
those hands which had seen the work and toil
of months turned into years
the dirt, grime, and turmoil
the proof lay in those hands
that were dark and gray
like the walls.

why were the walls there?
confusion crossed her eyebrows
hadn't she been fine
hadn't the Light been shining
hadn't she been on the right way
hadn't the pathway been bright
and her conscience clear?

but why...this?
why now?
yes, it'd been the age-old question
yet it seemed right to ask.
what had happened?

she felt..bound.

it was one of those moments.
those moments when although
all around feels dark
all around feels oppressing
all around feels wrong
all around feels like you can't get back up
you fight it.
not on your own --
because on your own?
it's a fail.

it was one of those moments
when she fell
when she fell to the ground
when she fell
knees first
and hands knitted together

it was one of those moments
when the truth knocked
when she realized that the answer
had been there
but through the schemes of evil
blindness had overtaken.

she fell
not totally
but she fell
upon her knees.
her heart throbbed with anguish
her heart beat with the realization
that you can't do it on your own.
for those who try it on their own --
fall totally.

but those who fall on Jehovah-Jireh?
they rise up.
though they fall seven times
they rise up the eighth.
though they "mess up"
they have found forgiveness
in the hands which were pierced for us.

so she
so she knelt
she prayed
she cried
she felt
she healed
she prayed
she cried 
till all her will
till all her self-feelings
till all that had ever belonged to the carnal
had fallen 

till all that was human will in her
had been burnt to ashes on the altar. 
and then
God broke into the darkness
His Light pierced the shadows
for when God's children fall
they have not fallen completely

for He is a loving God
He is a caring Father
He is the one who cares for us
more than anyone on this 
sphere of earth can
He loves and cares
more than the human mind can comprehend.

and so she rose up
she rose up victorious 
in the power of the blood of Jesus
for there is victory in the blood of Jesus.
she claimed that power
she claimed that forgiveness

no longer had the compromise
no longer had the sin
no longer had the fault
any power or claim over her
she is the Lord God's.
and with HIS power.
she will not fall.

she cannot look around no longer
she cannot gaze at other humans 
she cannot look to the left or to the right
she must focus on God.
she must run the race.
she must fight the good fight of faith.

and now?
she is free and forgiven.
she is living life with Jesus by her side.
she is confident and powerful.

and she? she can be us.  she can be you.  she can be me.
because the love and the power of God
has no limits.


I guess this is what could be called a slam poem.  I wasn't even going to post today, until like ten minutes ago.  I guess you could say that this was something I needed to get out and here it is.  I know that it's really long, so if you're reading till here, hey.  And I know that i say this a lot on this blog, but, God is good.  And we have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. Galations 2:20

Who will bring me to the strong city? Who will lead me to Edom? Is it not You, O God, who cast us off? And You, O God, who did not go out with our armies? Give us help from trouble.  For the help of man is useless.  Through God we will do valiantly, For it is He who shall tread down our enemies.
Psalm 60


  1. You along with other bloggers inspire me, thank you. This was a really unique read.

  2. this. this is amazing, Autumn. You completely blew me away. Slam poetry is probably my favorite art form an let me just tell you; you slammed it in the head. Grace grace grace grace grace. Oh How I need it daily! This really hit me. Thank you for being you and writing such magnificent things.

    -jr xx

    1. that's literally the best comment ever, jacy <3 THANK YOU SO MUCH. AAAAHHHHHHHH. Hey, though, it's all God really. :)

  3. Thiiiiiiis. This. Dude. I. I am so happy that you posted it because it was such a lovely thing to read and so good for me right now. THANK YOU, AUTUMN. You're the best and have so much talent wow. <3

    1. AAAAAHHHHHHH (not sure what's up with me and 'aaaahhhs' today but let's just roll with it.) NO THANK YOU KATIE <3 you're like the reallll writer around here.

    2. "AHHHHH" is the best way to describe what you're feeling. xD

      *happy flailing* but you are such a good writer ahhhhh.

      a writer's faith

  4. You almost didn't post this?! I'm so glad you did. I read the whole thing, and my heart felt every word. Like seriously, I'm in that place at the moment - questioning why the walls are there, and falling, realizing I need Him. And the last few paragraphs finish the story for me - He is there. He will help me through. He is my life.

    Thank you so much, again. xxx

    1. thank you so much jessica xx God is so faithful and so loving and it just blows me away. <3

  5. Anonymous8/28/2016

    oh. wow. this is so powerful, autumn!

  6. Everything Jessica said!


    Well I've already typed this and I can't remember what I said because I'm super tired but I love this and you and basically you're perfect k bye


      ahahahah i love that last part of your comment :) you're so cute and kind and nice <3

  8. That was so beautiful and so worth reading.


  9. Thought-provoking. Thanks for this!

  10. i literally read this the day you posted it. it's taken me this long to comment (shame on MEEEE).

    but hi. i needed this. i cried. no words came. still don't have any. but God is good, good and i could shout it from the rooftop until my voice would give out, but i still wouldn't have said it enough.


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