life recently [3.9.18]

10 March 2018

ahahaha I feel like this is a little old school because I used to posts like this alllllllll the time.   And, to be honest, it's been a minute since I've actually done of of these posts.  I kinda miss it, you know? When I go back and scan over all my posts, it's honestly so cool to see "life updates" from all these different stages and season in my life.  Wow.  That's where I was then.  Here's where I am now.  Change.  ASDJKLALSFHABQ

But that's life.  And I tell you -- growing up has got to be one of the strangest and most difficult things out there.  Though it makes it a lot easier when you know that all of your life is only for God.  Puts things in the right perspective.

r e a d i n g - OOOH man.  Reading has slacked so much for me recently.  But to be honest, I have read more this year so far than I usually have? Or maybe I've just read things that I actually enjoyed? I probably read two books so far this year that I've actually loved.  It's March.  AM I EVEN A BOOKWORM ANYMORE. I read some historical fiction by Ted Dekker that was decently good.  (i.e. the first book was good.  I've been in the process of reading the sequel for over a month.  so probably not as good.)  And I also read this historical romance novel? That sucked? Because romance is such a terrible genre? Yes?

But I definitely want to start reading more classic literature because I heard that will help for that SAT !!

w r i t i n g - HA.  okay.  So y'all know my novel is lost in the dark abyss of hardrive-failure-ness.  And it's still there.  I hope that we can get it out someday at least :,( IT'S SO FRUSTRATING.  You put all that plotting and planning into a novel...only to lost it.  bleh.  So I've just really lost a lot of motivation in general with that.  But I haven't stopped writing as a whole.  (oh no.  never.) I've been writing for the writer's group I'm part of, but that's pretty much it.  TRYING TO FIND THE MOTIVATION AGAIN YO.

b a k i n g - ahhh, wonderful baking.  I've been doing a fair amount of cooking/baking recently, though I have not been taking as many pictures of it as I usually do.  My camera has probably been untouched in several weeks, which is so sad honestly.   UGH.

t r y i n g - hard.  But sometimes, you have this vision of how you want your life to go.  You have this vision of things you want to do, things you want to accomplish within these time spans you set in your brain, things that you want to fall in place so you can live life.  But that doesn't happen.  And it doesn't make sense.  Like I said, growing up is crazy.  I know there's been a lot of silence on this blog over the past few months, and I don't want that to happen.  I love this blog.  So then I think back to why....why.  What have I been doing the last few months.  What's been going on in my life even?


But that's not the word.  Yet it somehow manages to describe how I've been.  I have definitely not been stressed because of any busy schedule or anything.  In fact, it's probably the opposite.  Stress for the future.  Stress because oh no, suddenly in January of junior year I realize the SAT is a thing and it's really important and why has no one explained it to me.  Stress because college is coming up? Stress because I know that I need to's important.  But stress because how do I get there? I've never prepared for a test like a SAT or ACT.  I don't know how to start.

But in and of itself.  I have so many questions I can't begin.  My whole life I've heard people talk about college and bla bla bla and I've never really cared because it didn't affect me and wouldn't for a long time.  But then suddenly, it does.  worrying about the future = stress.  What college do I go to? Dorms? Community college? Out of state? Tuition? Moving OUT?!? I've never even thought about these things or planned for them in my whole life.  What do I do now? I have this vision for my life.  I know what I want to do, but I have no idea how to get there.  And suddenly I have this whole new chapter of life that I know I need but have no idea how to deal with.   Uncertainty.  w h a t am I going to do? Let alone the fact that two important classes you need to know for the SAT I've never even been taught and getting a great SAT score is a step in the right direction for any college plans.

And while I'm stressing over these still happens.  This chapter of my life is only here once, and if I'm not embracing it, what's the point.  Life is about living in every single moment.  And if I can't do that because I'm worrying, that's not right.  And then there's allllll the million aspects to life: School, family, friends, God, health, my passions and interests (and so much more).  I'm just like

tom cruise what GIF

And hearing your peers rattle off their life plan like a planned script honestly doesn't really help.   Seeing people who seem to have it all together doesn't help. But people who, regardless of where they are, point you in the right direction? Those people are the real deal.

So when I look back over these past few months and summarize it all up...honestly, right now, I don't think I could be happy.  Who can have joy when there's so much practical stress?

except, i guess, when your faith in God is bigger than your fear.  And lol @ how easy that can be to write out, but how hard it is to live out.  Yet, for me, I know that at the end of the day, my life is dedicated to God, and He gave me this life.  It's not of my own doing.  So, ultimately...peace will win, fear will lose.  The going can be freaking hard, but Jesus.  His answers are life.  literally.

l i s t e n i n g - OHHHH.  Recently I've been listening to The Greatest Showman soundtrack.  The music is so beautiful.  Also Peace & When the Fight Calls

p l a n n i n g - lol the future but already covered that in great detail ^^^.  The future is in GOD'S HANDS.  Also, my family might go on a vacation this summer? WE HAVE NOT GONE ON A VACATION IN YEARS.  This could be amazing.  If we would, one thing I would love to maybe do is vlog it? Maybe? I might, MIGHT also go to Canada this summer.  That's very much up in the air, but we'll see!

t h a n k f u l    f o r -  pillow covers from H&M that are really cute and my room is slowly coming together.   the fact that this past weekend proved to me that I actually do have some real friends who pull through like real friends do.  WHAT A HUMBLING FEELING.  butter pecan ice cream & chocolate cake made with black cocoa powder (so dark).  target home decor shopping trips (they give me life design inspiration).  confidence that comes through Christ.  dresses.  warm days in winter.  snow days where we get one inch of snow LOL.  my phone.  laughter.  events.   

w a n t i n g    t o - Start! Planning! The! Garden! For! This! Summer!

l e a r n i n g - how to cut negative people and negativity from my life.

t h i n k i n g - about how I got up at 4:30 this morning for a school fundraiser >_< And actually, we were selling subs and once my group finished our route of delivering them, we stopped in at McDonald's and heard an employee saying she could just eat a sub.  So we stopped her and explained who we were and asked if she'd want to buy one.  SHE BOUGHT TWO.  And then we sold two more to her employees.  whaaaaa 

s k a t i n g - is going great & I love it!! I'm really thankful because yo Jesus helps in every area of life.  I got a new coach last month, and I've been learning a lot of new things which is amazing.  If there's one thing I've learned from figure skating, it's that dedication and practicing till you hate it is what helps you get better.  If I'm on the ice practicing something that I just! can't! get! but I do it again and again and still seem to not get it, the next day I'm on the ice, I'll be better at that element.  It's crazy, but it works.  Hard work and dedication make the dream work (to borrow the colloquialism).

r e a l i z i n g - I've missed doing posts like these :) 


how are you, friends? 



  1. Wow this post <333

    >> trying: oh my God, I relate so badly.The SAT's have been choking me with fear ever since I was 13 and I'm a junior and I'm so late because I have classes to catch up so I will be taking it my senior year and boy I feel your stress. <3 It's a tough reminder to walk on and lean on God I guess <3

    >> listening: THE GREATEST SHOWMAN MUSIC, I am so obsessed with it :) I've been listening to it non stop.

    >> thankful for: that list just made me feel happy, I'm so glad you have great things going for you xxx

    >> skating: it's amazing the dedication skaters put into their sport, I skated for a few months and just stopped recently. (lessons were a Christmas gift from my mom) It was a basic level but it was incredibly fun and taught me a lot too. Alot of my friends skate seriously and the work and practice they put in is truly inspiring.

    I loved this post Autumn!!! <3 Thanks for sharing xxx

    1. Anna you are such a wonderful person <33

      MAN I just found out about the SAT a few months ago and it's crazy. I can't imagine how it is for you :,) But hey, I'm taking it in senior year too. I'm just going to practice like crazy and pray to God it works out <3 (And I'm literally missing core classes for the math section sooo)

      AHH YES! Which is your favorite off the soundtrack? OOOH and you skated? How fun! Skating is such a hard sport but I love it. It's so beautiful and graceful, but still has so much athleticism :)

      Thank you so much for your lovely comment, Anna <3

  2. "And while I'm stressing over these still happens. This chapter of my life is only here once, and if I'm not embracing it, what's the point."

    That line basically sums up my life right now. xD Working on the de-stressing and embracing life thing a whole lot.

    Loved getting peek into your life, friend. <3

    1. Yeah, it's about the journey not the destination :) Learning that slowly.

  3. I LOVE THESE POSTS. I wish people would do them more often again.
    everyone tells me that the greatest showman is like the greatest thing ever so I really need to get around to watching that

    1. SAME GIRL! I used to do them all the time...
      I haven't even watched it, I just listen to the soundtrack lol

  4. I agree with how you feel about life update posts. lol. I love going back and reading all that I've written and what stage of my life I was in.
    I also enjoy reading about other people. especially since I can usually relate. I mean, stress? yep. where to go to college and what to do with the future? yeah. lol. so you're not alone. dont worry, not everyone has it all figured out

    1. Yeah it's such a nostalgic feeling :)
      haha thanks Faith. I know I'm not the only one like this, it just feels like that sometimes.

  5. Hey autumn, I totally agree that growing up sucks! I am turning 18 in two months and never felt so overwhelmed. Hope you get back into the mojo of reading soon.


    1. Haha yeah, growing up is certainly interesting! Wishing you the best, Martin!

  6. I'm going to let you in on a little secret: the people who look like they have their life together in terms of the future... actually don't have life put together one hundred percent??? I was in the same shoes you were, and in a sense, I still am, because I do have somewhat of a plan (college, OOS, something surrounding engineering or computer science while also simultaneously studying writing and trying to get published in the next four years) but the definitive details of each one and how to get there is still foreign.

    I remember having a freakishly long chat with my Calc teacher one time because I was having a crisis / out of everyone, she was the one person I trusted to actually give an answer of why things will be okay despite a few bumps in the road. Like, we change as people, as do our interests, but in spite of all that we have control over where we want to go despite all of these seemingly various factors telling us otherwise. I'm also stoked for summer, but it's just terrifying because change and relationships just start to change since everyone is going different places. And you feel this sense of vertigo. But just don't stress about it. You'll be okay.

    And hey, if you need to rant about the SAT or if you just have questions, literally just email me. ^.^

    xoxo Abigail Lennah | ups & downs

    1. Haha, yeah I should know that...but it's still hard sometimes :) YES same. I have the general idea of what I want to do, I just have no freaking idea on how to get there.

      aw that's so nice you had someone to talk to! wow yeah that's true. the past never defines the future. it's just a hard road, y'know? LIFE IS SO CRAZY ugh idk even

      yeah I'll def email you sometime!

  7. Stress. Usch. I know it probably won't sound encouraging, but you go though that stressful 'eek' period more than once in life (currently stuck in a stressful 'eek' period) and how you deal with it now will be a foundation.
    Worry and stress often go hand in hand, and worry is an endless hole. My advice is to work on centering your thoughts on God. Really fight on the battlefield of your thoughts. Might not seem terribly important, but it really is.

    'Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes. Fear the Lord and depart from evil.' Proverbs 3:5-7

    1. thank you for your wisdom :) YES that is so true. At the end of the day, regardless of whatever happens in life, all of life is all for Jesus. And that needs to be my foundation. It's just easy to forget about sometimes :P

  8. I'm just going to make a list, because I love this post. k.

    1. I suspect that Dekker's historical fiction was A.D. 30?
    2. The Greatest Showman….yes well, it's the GREATEST.
    3. Gosh, I really feel ya about growing up and figuring out life. It can be so overwhelming because you've never been in the water, and suddenly you have to learn to swim. And the choices in front of you are endless. Move out or stay? college or self-educated? start a business or work for someone else? I like to think about all the incredible adults I know in life, and remind myself that they once were my age and went through all the same things. (and look at them now! they're slaying it).

    you can do it.

  9. YES another person who feels the same about the romance genre!! I dislike romance SO MUCH LIKE WHY DO WE EVEN NEED IT????

    Oh girl I completely know the feeling of nearing the end of high school and being STRESSED OUT OF YOUR MIND. Lemme just say, taking a gap year definitely helped. It gave me time to research colleges and just think about what I wanted to do. There's no need to rush things. College will always be there, waiting to take your money. So if your parents will let you, it might be a really good idea to just take a year off and seek the Lord's will for your future.


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